Coos, Screams, and Other Things

My Little Honey has started to have conversations. She is very interested in what you're saying and has a few opinions of her own and will gladly voice them in the form of vowel sounds and also gurgles. Another way she tells you what's on her mind is by screaming. Screams that could wake the dead. I'm sure there are some zombies walking around out there somewhere. Oh yes, my sweet and pleasant baby has a very violent temper and I shudder to think of her teenage years that are ahead of us. We have started to put her to sleep in her crib instead of letting her sleep in our bed. It kills me. I want her to be snuggled up next to me in bed but I have heard the horror stories of kids sleeping with their parents until kindergarten age and the thought of that kills me even more. Especially because Buttercup sleeps with her arms straight out and kicks furiously throughout the night. I have a foot in my gut most of the night. Anyways, so she is not liking the crib so much. I'm trying so hard to engage all of her senses in our bedtime routine so that she will know when it's bedtime. I spray some lavender and vanilla febreeze in her room (which not only kills the awful smell of peepee diaper but lulls to sleep as well), turn on Lullaby Classics and read a book, turn off the light and turn on her nightlight, wrap her in a blankie, and have a bedtime bottle. There you go, you've got smelling, hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting. She usually falls asleep while I'm holding her and I rock her a little bit and kiss her goodnight and place her gently in her bed.

!!HOLD YOUR BREATH BECAUSE SHE MIGHT WAKE UP!!

She squirms a little bit when I put her down and it's like a 50/50 chance that her squirming will disturb her slumber or she'll settle down and snooze. It's been pretty tough, but we've only been at it for less than a week so I'm hoping that as it becomes more familiar to her, she'll know what's up. Cross your fingers.

Spring Break has come and gone and tomorrow is Monday. 7 more weeks of student teaching and then I'm done. Buhhhhh. It cannot go by quickly enough. I'm at middle school now and I'm not loving it as much as I loved elementary school. It's just not as cheery and happy. Middle-schoolers are dark, creepy, emotionally unstable people and are not eager to do anything remotely educational. Not even when you disguise the education in "fun." I want to go back to elementary school where most of the students can't wait to come to your class and do whatever it is that you have planned. Hell, I could ask elementary students to dig holes in dirt and "hooray! what fun! can we do this again tomorrow?!" Not so in middle school. I am excited to direct a play at the middle school, however. I do miss directing. The excitement of directing a play is coming at a very high price. 14-year olds. Shuudddder.

Almost 3 months

My cutie patootie will be 3 months old on Wednesday. Sheesh, I can't even believe she is getting so big. It seems like only yesterday...

Being a mother is...interesting. I don't feel like I look or sound like a mama. I still feel like a college kid. Which, I am. But it sometimes amazes me that I am someone's mother. Avery looks up at me and says "are yooouu my mother?" She says it with her eyes, of course. That's what she's saying in this picture. I have dreams that we will be best friends, although when I wake up and return to reality, I remember that a lot of times, mothers and daughters fight and fuss and bicker and compete for alpha female. *sigh* I wonder how such a impossibly cute little thing can pick a fight with her mother. Every night around bedtime, she wants me to hold her. And I do. She wants me to cuddle her in my arms. And I do. She wants me to do the walk -n- sway around the house. And I do. She wants me to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. And I do.

I love this girl.

Happy Valentines

Here is a lovely photo of my sweet baby on Valentines.

I love teaching at an elementary school. I got an insane amount of valentines from my students. Pokemon valentines, My Little Pony valentines, Miley Cyrus valentines, cookies, Kit Kat bar valentines, and a delicious cupcake.

I remember when I was little I loved to give my teachers presents for holidays. I was a suck up.

A blog? What?

So, it seems that blogging has dropped way low on my list of things that I must get done in a week. Many of you might know that I just had a baby. Enough said.

I also started student teaching! It is a lot of fun but also very challenging. Which is good. I like a challenge. But boy, I'm exhausted. Since January 5th I have been at Parkside Elementary school in Austin, Tx. It is a great little school and I already love it dearly. The students and staff are all so friendly and welcoming. The teacher I'm working with is really great and he understands that I have a newborn at home and completely understands that I might show up to school half dressed one day because of lack of sleep syndrome. Seriously, some nights I get two hours of sleep. It's been quite interesting to see how much I am capable of accomplishing on two hours of sleep. Nevertheless, my teacher says I'm doing extremely well. And I have to admit, I was doing really well. Until yesterday.

Let me pre-cursor this by saying that yesterday was so awful I actually reconsidered being a teacher. For real, y'all. Yesterday my supervisor came to observe me and evaluate my work and progress thus far. This is the first time she has ever seen me teach and I'm surprised she didn't boot me out of school after witnessing the horror and catastrophe that was my 1st grade class. Oh my hell. So it was basically like trying to heard a bunch of ants. It was a very dark, gloomy, cold, rainy day in Austin so that most awful thing happend. No recess. When outdoor recess is cancelled and indoor recess is put in its place, the children turn into wild, ferocious beasts. Indoor recess does not nearly get out all of the energy that elementary school children have and therefor it is nearly impossible to wrangle them and teach them a decent lesson. Luckily, almost all teachers have issues with children who don't get their fix of recess so me being a student teacher wasn't the problem.

So, I read the 1st graders the story of the 3 Little Pigs. And then, in groups, we acted out the story of the 3 Little Pigs. It might sound like no big deal, but oh my goodness. Those 1st graders can turn the tears on and off in 2 seconds flat. So, one student got bumped into. Tears. Another student didn't get to be the wolf. Tears. I wouldn't let another student go get a drink of water because he had already gone twice before in that class. Tears. The list goes on and on. The whole time, my supervisor is clicking-clacking away on her computer, taking notes about everything I am doing. Disaster. Also, one little boy decided it would be a great idea to stand up on chairs and jump off. We also had an episode where two little girls were trying to pull the loose tooth out of another girls' head.

Mass chaos.

So, my supervisor said she will send me notes. I'm sure they will be about 3 pages long.

Hello, my baby Hello, my darlin'

So it's been three, almost four, weeks since my little Buttercup arrived, so I guess I should tell you all about it before the details become blurry and hazy in my mind. I replay the day over and over in my head several times a day because I loved every moment, contractions and pain and all.

Wilson, my mother and I showed up at the hospital at 7am to get checked in and settled into my l&d room. One of my friends came a little bit later. At 8am my doctor broke my water and I was off! There was no turning back. That baby would be here soon. I came to the hospital already 3.5 centimeters dilated and 60% effaced so I had a considerable head start into labor.

By noon my contractions were getting really intense. I tried rocking back and worth on the "birthing ball" but what felt best was just sitting straight up in bed. My lovely mother rubbed my feet and Wilson held my hand. They were both wonderful coaches and I'm so glad I had them there with me. When my contractions began to hurt really bad I just looked into Wilson's eyes and thought about the little life we made. With each contraction, I took deep breaths and blew away the pain. I tried so hard to stay in control and not let the pain and my emotions get the best of me. I didn't have any pain meds.

So 3pm rolls around and I am soo ready to push. Like, ohmyhell that nurse better let me push this baby out RIGHT now or else... I might do something drastic! I'm 9.5 centimeters dilated and everyone is telling me it's not time to push, it's not time to push but it has got to be time. A little bit later...it was time. Up to this point, time has been flying by. People have been in and out of my room and I have been aware of everything that has been going on. But all of the sudden, everything seems to be slowing down. In comes my doctor and the lights turn off. It's dark except for the one light that is shining above my hooha. It's dark and it's quiet. I know that it must have seemed quiet because I was so tired from hours and hours of contractions and all those contractions made my ears unable to function properly. I know there are at least 8 or 10 people in my room, ready and waiting for a baby, so there must have been some noise. I start to push and it feels so good to push. So good. A few days later my mom and I were talking about how good it felt to push. We decided that no, it doesn't really feel good...like, you don't just wake up one day and say to yourself "ya know, I think today I'd like to push a baby out of me, I bet that'd feel good." It actually hurts like the dickens but after those contractions, boy, pushing feels like easy money.

So there I am, pushpushpush, and my nurse tells me that I'm approaching what they in the biz call the "Ring of Fire." What?! Ex-cuuuse me?! Ring of fire? Great. I think that's when the baby's head is crowning. I don't really remember what the explanation of the ring of fire was because I was too busy experiencing it. Anyways, everyone is crowded around, watching the show, and I couldn't help but think about all the women that have ever appeared on A Baby Story. It's a T.V. show that comes on The Learning Channel that documents women giving birth. I know that maybe I should have been thinking about something more sentimental like, oh, I don't know, my daughter entering the world, but I wasn't. I was comparing myself to those women. My legs are shaved and my toes are painted a lovely shade of pink (thanks to my mother). Shoot.

Well before I knew it, it was 3:55 and I gave one more push and out she came! Wide- eyed and just as pretty as ever. Hardly any cheese. It was strange to see her for the first time, on the outside. In one moment you analyze this little being that is suddenly your entire world and your heart softens and the pain of childbirth melts away and your life is changed. All in one little moment.

The rest of my time in the hospital was pretty normal and boring, except for the time when I was with my little one. I hope I never get so sick that I have to be in the hospital. It is dreadfully boring sitting in bed. Thank goodness for all the people who came to visit and stay with me. I'd have gone bonkers without them.

After 48 hours in the hospital and a night at my apartment, my mother took me home with her so that she could help and take care of me and Avery. I am so glad that she did, too. Thanks mom, for everything that you did. I'm not sure if I could have successfully handled Avery all by myself. I love my mother dearly and appreciate the hours that she took the baby while I slept or took a shower, the meals that she cooked, and all of the mothering advise and wisdom. I also loved hearing how much she loves Avery. I love that she loves my baby (how could she not??). I'm lucky to have a mother who cares deeply for me and my little family.

Now I am back in Austin taking care of my little one and my Wilson and getting ready to start school again. Sheesh. One more semester. I will graduate. I will graduate. I must graduate. As difficult as this semester will be, I will cherish every moment of it because when it is over, I will have graduated college with a 5 month old and proven to myself that I can do anything.

Avery Danielle

I intend to write a post about the best day of my life: December 16th. Although, I'm a little too tired and a little too taken aback to write it out right now.

stay tuned.

Letters to my Love #4

Dear baby,

Today has been a very exciting day. Daddy and I went to my doctor's appointment and the doctor thinks you will arrive within the next week! And if you don't come by yourself, the doctor is going to induce me next Wednesday! I am 3 centimeters dilated and a lot effaced, so I guess you're ready to get out of there. Since my doctor's appointment today I have been doing lots of things to get ready for you to be here. I've packed your diaper bag, gotten my hospital bag ready, and printed out some information that the hospital will need. I've also baked some holiday brownies. But that is of more use to me than it is to you. I can't believe that you're days away from being here! Everyone is soo excited and cannot wait. I really liked having you with me all of the time. It was a very pleasant experience, being pregnant. It wasn't horrible like for some women. I mostly was just in awe of what was happening inside my tummy and I imagined what you were doing in there...which was a lot (growing) and not a whole lot (just hangin' out) at the same time. You are already so very precious and wonderful and I just don't know if your daddy and I will be able to comprehend the amount of perfect you are, in your little pink, pudgy, pretty newborn state.

I love you oh, so much.

Love,

Mama

p.s.- your laundry detergent (which was given to me at my baby shower, I won't be buying that expensive stuff) smells incredible. I am loving snuggling up with your onesies. But once you get here, I will like to snuggle with you more.